FREE E-BOOK: Take Control Of Your Life
June 4, 2009
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June 4, 2009
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My issue with confidence was around talking to strangers. I am not sure wherher it was lack of confidence or not wanting to talk to people who I could not engage in a real conversation with. When I first met your materials over a year ago I was impressed by one of the first steps, saying hello to perfect strangers.
I realised that I was not very confident about this. Now, however, I do not make a distinction between who I would speak to or the depth of the conversation. I know that it is a result of your work because I have been making a real effort to improve myself with your very straight forward ideas.
After careful consideration I realise how right your comments are and apply to me too. I hate change and often take far too long thinking over the direction I should go in. I am trying hard to stop doing this and be committed to what I need to do and be strong about the actions that follow on.
Thank you for your wise comments on dealing with life important decisions. I realize I often take far too long deciding which way to go for my best interest.
This will cause the knock on effect of both financial and emotional states I often find myself in. I intend to deal with things in a more positive manner from now on.
Really hit home with me, esp as it is a Monday morning. Usually in this office no one talks for the first two hours on a Monday except for the occasional grunt or a indication of an offer of coffee. Today I loudly said hello is a big happy voice, asked people who there weekend was and pushed them to be positive about it. Made a massive difference to usual atmosphere. I also wore a tie to do something different. This was noticed and also started more convo. I get this mission, do what I want, not let how others feel dictate how I must feel.
I used the mission 1 thing about saying hello and smiling on the bus. Everyone is normaly so gloomy. Since then I always make sure I feel good regardless of the miserable buggers on the bus! Once day when I am feeling more confident I am sure to break out into a verse of “the wheels of the bus go round and round” just to put a smile on a few more peoples faces.
No more crappy mondays for me, hope other people see this mission and join in.
I am really shy so do find things like mission 1 hard when it interacts with other people. This mission is better as I can just be myself, I maybe quiet but I can have a smile on my face and say hello in a more than polite manner. I just should not be scared to greet people how I would like to be greeted just because I am worried about what they maybe thinking about.
Jon – whenever I read your stuff it automatically brings a smile to my face. Thanks! Alicia
Euruka listening! How annoying is that!
I think it is so rude when people just jump to conclusions without listening to what is a valid point. Just because some people are quieter than others doesnt mean their views should not be respected.
I know competitive people think he who shouts loudest wins but this is just not true and these people often get shown up.
Your “Weapons of Influence” are very crisply put, and explained.Everyone of us has experienced the “yes” mode, especially if we are under confident or unsure of what “no” would bring. Most people do like a quiet life, but the winners in life are the ones who do not accede so easily, Bill Gates, Richard Branson, Alan Sugar are examples.
The need of approval really stuck home for me. I remember spending years worrying about my father would approve of anything I did. I know now that it didnt matter what I did he would have still loved me, its a shame to think about some of things I never did because of this.
fear is the biggest worry for me, i’m scared to ask my friends to go out with me just incase they say no. i’m scared to wear nice clothes because my sister teases me about it. i also don’t get alot of support from my family to encourage me to really be myself, the funny caring happy me which hardly ever gets shown because my confidence is so low, because i wear really rubbish clothes and spend most of my holiay time on my own it really gets me down. i really wish somone could help me to change so i can be happier and enjoy myself more. so far out of this holidays i’ve been out with my friends twice out of 7 weeks how sad is that. so if anyone can please can you help me even if it’s the smallest bit difference it would mean the world for me. i just wish i could really be who i want to.
Katie, your comment really struck home. I’m 32 and struggling with similar issues myself – the difference being I have a degree of hindsight to help me! You need to start by focussing on the difficulties you feel affect you most, reading your post I would say the friendshdip thing is key. Without a support structure at home you need to start building your own, by surrounding yourself with positive caring friends this will encourage you to take greater steps. It is scary, the fear of rejection is strong but needs to be faced. What’s the worst that can happen? You ask someone to go somewhere with you and they say no, it feels bad initially but realistically you’re no worse off than now except next time it will be that little easier to ask. Chances are it won’t be an outright no, could just be the timing is bad, so try again.It could be that your friends feel the same as you about asking and are waiting to be asked – be the brave one! Start with small goals, expecting big changes straight away sets you up to fail, come up with small achievable targets – ask one friend out for a drink/coffee this week or to come and help chose a new top – whatever you interests might be. The scariest thing is NOT starting now and wasting years thinking ‘I could have…’ People are never as judgemental as we are about ourselves, reflection is good if used well, too much reflection can lead to self-obsession. In the scheme of things we aren’t as important as we think we are – people don’t take as much notice as it feels!! Making that first leap is going to be the most terrifying and the longer you put it off the more difficult it will be. It will take time but the other things will follow, celebrate your successes however small, there won’t be any failures, only opportunities to learn and grow. Ultimately you are in charge of your happiness, you owe it to yourself to start this journey – we all desrve to be happy! I wish you luck, enjoy finding the you who is waiting to shine!
I find that the most constructive way to make changes – is to get angry ! Not rage, just anger and “channel” that anger into motivation. Then I need to stay focussed, which is an issue for me because of my disablitities. Still, “if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got” ! So, change is, for me, very important, necessary in order to get the things I want and I’m just a little sad that it’s taken me so long to realise what I need to do in order to get a better life. I need to “step outside of my comfort zone” and make it more exciting than scary. I wish everyone everything they wish themselves – me included.
I have not had to do a presentation for a while and the last time was a university, I did ok but was very nervous beforehand. I would try to avoid giving a presentation now. My fears are would I shake – my body, my voice, my hands? Would my mind go blank – stage fright, would I just freeze? Would I remember everything? Would I be able to answer the questions if any one asks? Would my voice be loud enough? How would I look would I look nervous or confident? These are the kinds of things that would go through my mind but especially the physical aspects of shakeyness and shakey voice and wether my mind would go blank.
Awesome stuff, thanks Jon
Reading your report was such a fantastic experience. I feel like someone’s taken my lid off! I couldn’t shut up about it for weeks. I have made my current job work for me and I’m actively working on the foundations for another life. I’ve enrolled on two new courses and intend to get really qualified this time
I still think of our session and still feel a sense of strength from it. You managed to see me for what I am and showed a path through the minefield I believed I was in. It must be like saving people who have been wandering in the wilderness aimlessly for years. I now have a purpose and a balance in my life that I believe I would not have got if I had not been to see you. Thank you
I’m really impressesd by your methods of self motivation and self confidence.but i really want to gain more from you.
My main problem is that i panic under tough conditions which effects my results…
At times also i too feel disappionted.
I really want to work over my weakness and to become confident, I hope You will help me regarding this…….
Having found out some time ago that I have a problem, I decided to research from where it all started, sadly I ended up back in childhood looking at events and conditioning from that time, I found a lot of answers, this also led me to look at your website, apart from receiving help and support I thought I may be able to help others with similar problems
I am eager to gain a courage to feel my feelings and to see my thoughts,I want to know myself,to differentiate my thoughts from others to feel my original sense
I have social anxity disorder and find it hard to mix with people sumtimes
I joined your mailer as I was browsing the net looking for tools and reading to boost my confidence and self esteem. I had hit a real low point in life where I have experiencing verbal abuse regarding my personal appearance in and out of work. I was just looking for something to break the cycle and why I was attracting this negativity into my life when I have done nothing wrong.
I realise its my though patterns and need to find ways of switching off and onto another track other than thinking people are talking about me all the time and laughing behind my back some maybe are, the majority are not
So I try relaxation techniques at home and meditation to reduce my anxiety levels and exercise when I can
I suppose I got to the stage when I was looking for help but did not want to talk about it.
So I browsed the net looking for something to help me at that particular moment and your website seemed really interesting.I suppose I ‘m looking for a way to find the old me : confident and not scared to take decisions.
My life story is really long. Sometimes the answer is there , I know what I’m doing wrong , I know that I have to change it but I am too scared to reach it. It’s almost like my brain tells me is not wright but I keep doing what my heart tells me to.
So I’m trying to look for answers or maybe help- not sure.
My father died when I was nine years old. It’s always been me and my mum- but never too close.
I fell in love with a guy and came over to England about 13 years ago, where I found that he was married and had o kid . After he swore to me that he was divorced and had nothing to do with her he left me here.
He lied to me that we going to a party to see a friend , left me there , went to buy some beer and never came back. The next morning I found myself waiting at the window and his friend came with my packed bags.
He didn’t hurt me or anything and said I could stay if I want too.
Of course I stayed , I had £5 pounds in my pocket, I was illegal , I had no job.
He is my husband today. We stayed with a few friends for many years. at one point I don’t know what happen to me I fell for his friend . I suppose he was paying attention to me. Nothing happened between us it was just a kiss. I did not want to hurt my husband so I wanted to leave and start a new life. But the truth came to surface and it turned up that this friend together with another were planning to play a trick on me so they can prove themselves to others and to get to my husband. He kept sending texts me , phoning me and I fell for him- i was led to thing that my husband did not care , that he does not deserve me and so on. After many heartfull things that I have been acussed of , we stayed together , moved out and started a new life. It has been pretty good but I have been so badly hurt by my closest friends that I can not open to anyone , not even my husband to talk about anything. I prefer to keep it inside. It feels like something is missing and I’m triyng to find the old me so I can trust people. I have become this selfish person , jealous , sour , I don’t write poems anymore , I don’t do things that I like anymore because I am scared that I might upset someone. I am trying to b perfect but obviously I can not.I have become so critical of myself . There are days when I am high , I am confident but the minute someone says something to me I get so angry with them and myself.So when I subscribed to your website I was looking for self -help because my rational mind tells me I need it.
I’m looking for some opportunities to show the difference in me.
I need to shine better than having a normal way of life. I assure that I have certain capabilities of getting things done in a wise way. But I need a right guidance and support with a good way of approach.
I guess you could help…
I can’t remember exactly why I subscribed, but it may have been to do with self confidence or self-esteem issues that still affect me from time to time. I have suffered at the hands of one of the office bullies in the past and crumbled, so I need boosts to my self confidence/assertiveness powers.
I am pleased to report that I no longer work for that person and my present boss is great, but it’s like being a former alcoholic – it’s easy to slip back into the old ways if upset again by the actions of another person.
The fact that I haven’t replied directly or arranged to attend workshops, etc should not be taken to mean that I no longer find your bulletins useful.It’s more likely that I can’t get to Oxfordshire at weekends.
Why I signed up your website is that I am far too paranoid with very little self esteem and not confident enough, therefore I thought reading messages from yourself or other websites in the same line would help put me in the right direction, encouraging me to relax more and not be so anxious. I also look too much into the past and don’t take each day as it comes which I know I should.
It never dawned on me that people would have to buy tickets and whatever else for further help on self esteem, therefore, if you wish I’ll just get you to stop sending any further information.
Thanks very much for all the encouragement so far though as it has been a great help.
I can just about motivate myself to answer.
Just thought I’d have a look at what you had to offer and if it would be any good for me?
But I’ve come to the conclusion that motivation comes from the inside and not from outside Games.
I was one off lifes seekers but once u get to a certain age or state one realises that ur only here to do your time.
Thx for your interest
I head up the HR for the company that I work for, and I am basically on your list because I have a couple of employees with major self-confidence (lack of) and stress issues.
I am thus always on the look out for new ways in which to help them.
There are so many more people out there deserving your attention.
Yes it is true you have been sending me some stuff lately ( and you have not heard much from me.. -sorry ) I haven’t had time to read your 52 ways -so can’t really say any comments on it (yet) . it’s on my list though along with plenty of other reading material (i’m doing a life coaching course too!) and my Anna Karenina book which i’m reading at the moment, and Anna Frank’s diary too and i’m starting with french today! although it seems a lot, i have my system in place and it’s working well for me.
please keep sending your little e-mails every other day, i always can find 5 spare minutes of my time to read them through, a big thanks for them and i’ll get back to you as soon as i can -i promise:)
The reason I subscribed to you is because I have a general interest in Life Coaching and Positive Thinking etc.
I believe that if everyone on the planet/universe could realise how powerful they can be the planet/universe would be a better place.
First of all thanks a lot Jon for all of ur valuable advice that u have given me through e-mails.i subscribed to u because of certain shortcomings(i dont know whether i should call it “shortcomings”)in my personality:
Firstly i think i have a very low self esteem,may be due to a low level of self belief or vice versa
I suddenly feel very out of place in a group of people.i think i cant present my views or cant talk as articulately as the people present around me.
Please help
I really appreciate to read your articles but I plan to get you have views on a number of life aspects in due course. Please do keep up with your inspiration
My public speaking needs assistance and I like your program to build my successful vision
I lack self esteem and want to learn how to be more outgoing, stop thinking too much before doing something and be more confident and agressive.
I have it in me. I am too scared to get it out.
I contacted you / searched your site becuase I feel that my low self esteem effects my ability to form relationships with new people and whilst I am unhappy with my career I feel stuck because I can’t seem to find anything else which I am interested in. These two things are the biggest causes of my unhappiness and have caused me depression in the past.
Hi! Jon
I read your website with much interest, me? I was the guy that started the UK brand leader “Vanish” …now well and truly retired!! A company turn around man for over 30 years was the ‘mover and shaker’ for many, many companies. Back in 1988 a millionaire and miserable!! Watching a Parkinson interview on the television with Kenny Rogers one evening he asked a question, the answer of which changed my life. Parkinson asked “You haven’t always been rich have you Kenny?” Kenny replied, “Oh! no I would often look across the other side of the tracks and envy the rich folks with heir flashy cars and houses…then as time went by I too became rich…and a miserable lonely bastard, just like them…it was some time later that I came to realise that only three things matter in life:- Some one to love, someone to love you and to have something to strive for”
I dropped the coffee in my hands the tears flowed down my cheeks as I realised exactly what he was talking about. Now I live a quiet life, well and truly retired and just help small business where and when ever I can.